Zero Confidence

"I think it is possible to have such a desire to do what is 'right' that it cripples you from doing ANYthing at all for fear of doing what is 'wrong' or displeasing God? That coupled with being a People Pleaser... It is possible that the words of men (good, noble, inspirational men) resound more loudly in your head than the voice of God inside of your heart."
~Araselis Fraser


From the outside (& even in my head) it seemed like I was living my life as the Lord had wanted me to. I mean hey, I love God, I serve Him, I love my husband & children... right???

About a year ago I woke up with a strong sense of fear. Fear that I ‘really’ wasn’t living the life God wanted me to live, but instead living the life others expected me to live. The sense of fear was so strong and the Holy Spirit whispered something deep inside me... Zero Confidence! Immediately, I knew exactly what He meant.

Now, let me stick a pin...A few weeks earlier, I listened to speaker talk about Natural Temperament:
Natural Temperament always has a dark side… that is why we all need the power of the Holy Spirit so desperately.

For the strong, confident, 'get-the-job-done' type of person, you may be a great administrator who gets great things accomplished, but be careful, you just might step on some toes and could possibly be a bit insensitive.

For the kind, peaceful, compassionate type of person, you may be sympathetic & great with people, but you may be so concerned about what people think that when it’s time to make a hard decision or speak up, you won’t for fear of disapproval. In both cases (and everything in between), we all need the Holy Spirit to bring balance.

What a revelation!!! Like a flashlight, the Holy Spirit revealed the darkness in my heart... WOW!

Unpin!

I had to face the reality of my predicament... to admit that I had a desperate need to please... & for so long, I would strive to be right in the sight of those around me.

I didn't have any confidence in the God in me... only the God in someone else. I realized that hadn't given myself an opportunity to develop that part of my relationship with God. I just kind of fit the mold and never developed that part of my own faith... confidence in Christ in me.

This revelation made me feel shame and freedom, all at the same time. Shame, because of the realization that I had lived this way for so long. I took some time to confess to the gracious God of Heaven & earth... I came to Him with the truth I had just discovered about myself... & there I found His loving arms & His embrace... & there came the freedom. I could finally see clearly... seemingly, for the first time in a long time.

In response to my prayer, the Lord lead me to read from the book of Isaiah, chapter 7, verse 9 (NLT), where His Word states, "... unless your faith is firm, I cannot make you stand firm."

I recognized that confidence comes with familiarity. The more time I spend in His Word, the more confident I become in who He is &  who I am supposed to be... & then I no longer have to depend in what people have to say.

2 Corinthians 2:14
Thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place.