Trusting Him Every Step of the Way

I can look at myself & examine my life today & see a whole lot of broken things & incomplete dreams... a canvas with lots of scratches & messy shading, shapes that don't resemble anything recognizable... blobs of color that don't look anything like a beautiful rainbow... even hurts that I thought were long gone & think "Jeepers Creepers, shouldn't these be gone by now?!?!" & then wonder "God, are You there?"

But my faith in Christ says He's right here... walking beside me... producing strength & character in corners of my life I've never really payed attention to. He's right here nudging my chin to look up... & into His Word... NOT at the mirror or the unfinished portrait... He's reminding me to enjoy the process... enjoy the breeze in the shade on this journey... Who likes the hot sun beating down on them anyway?! Surely not me.... Then He continues to remind me that He's the author with the pen, the designer with the sewing machine, the photographer with the big picture in focus... Yes, the Potter with clay.

He's embracing me during this tough time saying, keep going, don't give up... In just a little while you'll see the clouds shift... Use your talent & plant the seed... Prepare the land... Rain is on its way... Acorns grow into large Oak trees. You shall reap a harvest.

Today was beautiful. I've been waiting for many, many days for the sun to shine with no rain & warm temps... No jacket, wearing flip flops. Aaaahhhhh! I sat outside with my Bible, a book, my laptop, my new speakers... Oh, & a cup of coffee. What a beautiful day!

Happy Monday, y'all...
Enjoy your journey, trust the Master Navigator!!!

Goodbye Fear, Hello Grace & Mercy

Kurt Carr sings a song, 'I Almost Let Go' & it's true that the devil tries to keep us tied up & bound up & silent... The song says: 'God held me close, so I wouldn't let go.'

That's funny... God holds me, so I don't let go. PROFOUND... Not only is He ready to deliver me from the hands of the enemy, but he's also securing my grip so I don't let go.

As I reflect on my life I see fear in so many corners, yet I realize God has been with me every step of the way... He has blessed my life incredibly and though I should have deep scars, He has healed my wounds & helped me overcome.

The enemy had a plan to destroy and distract me... Many have been through some of the same things I've experienced & they couldn't live to tell about it... OR they're so traumatized they can't see beyond it.

Ya know what's worse than 'letting go' ... It's staying still, stopping - not doing anything... Becoming stale & stagnant!

Yuck, stagnant water stinks... it breeds bacteria & incubates parasites... & becomes an environmental hazard! Ya gotta keep movin'!

Lyrics taken from Hello Fear by Kirk Franklin
Hello Fear! ... Farewell, good-bye, so long!

Hello Grace! It feels like forever, I thought my chance with you was gone... Never knew your touch was endless, how you never run dry of forgiveness... Sorry fear took your place.

So I say to you today:
Hang on... God will keep you & provide you with everything you need to overcome & succeed.

Just Like That...

What an incredible story... life, pain, courage, hope, strength & weakness... what this precious mom calls 'brutiful" ... a mix brutal & beautiful put together to express this journey with her brave son as he battles with cancer. Her post was written in late December...

AND just like that life changes... just changes! Well, the longer I live, I become aware that 'just like that' is how everything happens... BIRTHDAYS, SPILLS, SUMMER VACATIONS, GROWTH SPURTS, A BLOODY KNEE, A FIT OF LAUGHTER... GOOD & BAD... LIFE, it happens 'just like that!'

Prayer for this mom, dad, & sister as they live each day with the hope & pain of not knowing what their next moment will hold... a smile from their angel or..... NOT!

As I write this post tears are falling from my face as I think of God's amazing grace, peace & strength during difficult times. Although my children are healthy & strong & driving me crazy some evenings.... I know & recognize all too well when a 'just like that' moment can change your 'normal.'

This January marks 2 years of my mom's helicopter ride to Westchester Medical Center created a new appreciation for enjoying the moments of peace, joy, & solace. I'm grateful that today my mom is well & living a normal life... astonishing the doctors who look at her chart & the people who hear about her experience. But it doesn't change the fact there is still a little hole on the right side of her head where they drilled to give her brain a way to release pressure.

It gave me a new sense of living for today & being thankful for the moments given with loved ones & people who mean so much. Tomorrow is the Wake & viewing & Saturday, the funeral of a wonderful man, Alan Stein. "Just like that' on Sunday, his assignment on this earth finished. This man whose love for the Word & for God's people was apparent in counseling sessions where he would become giddy at the new-found truths he'd discovered in his latest study... AMAZING... 4 months of AMAZING counsel at this man's desk my husband & I were fortunate to experience! This weekend will be a crazy realization that he ran his race & his heavenly 'To Do List' is complete...

Please read this post about a little boy named Rusty...

Post by Mimi Morman Schultz.

Then here's her most recent post... Continuing to pray for Rusty & his family.

Post by Mimi Morman Schultz.

People.

As I travel on this journey... God speaks clearly & precisely... leading me in His path. Although most of the time, I may not understand today's challenges, I've been on the journey long enough to recognize there's a lesson in it & the Lord is speaking to me... to make me better & help me grow & mature.

When I think of all the plans I had in my head... the 'perfect' way things should turn out... I stand in awe of God & how His ways are truly greater and more complete than mine. Sure, I can look at the new-ness through a bitter-sweet window, but the sweet far outweighs the bitter on so many levels.

Just one of the many valuable lessons learned on this journey...

People.
People are this earth's most valuable natural resource!
Just people. People. Breathing, walking, happy, angry, smiling, sinful, loving, mean, forgiven, laughing, crying, young, talking, old, rude, polite, living people. Yes, people. All people. I must mean Christian people............right? Nope, just people.

'Why?' you ask? Because God loved people enough to send His son to die for people. He didn't only die for the nice, sweet, young, polite one who bags our groceries at Stop & Shop... but He especially died for the baggy pants-wearing young man; & underwear-showing, tight pants-wearing, cleavage-showing lady.

Let me take you to the Word... Matthew 22:36-40 (NIV) reads as follows:

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Here it is... If Jesus was able to sum up all of the 10 commandments into 2... Love God & love people... I'd say people are pretty important to God too.

People. Selah
Just love people. God will do the rest. He will bring the increase........... He's God.
Just love......... people.

Zero Confidence

"I think it is possible to have such a desire to do what is 'right' that it cripples you from doing ANYthing at all for fear of doing what is 'wrong' or displeasing God? That coupled with being a People Pleaser... It is possible that the words of men (good, noble, inspirational men) resound more loudly in your head than the voice of God inside of your heart."
~Araselis Fraser


From the outside (& even in my head) it seemed like I was living my life as the Lord had wanted me to. I mean hey, I love God, I serve Him, I love my husband & children... right???

About a year ago I woke up with a strong sense of fear. Fear that I ‘really’ wasn’t living the life God wanted me to live, but instead living the life others expected me to live. The sense of fear was so strong and the Holy Spirit whispered something deep inside me... Zero Confidence! Immediately, I knew exactly what He meant.

Now, let me stick a pin...A few weeks earlier, I listened to speaker talk about Natural Temperament:
Natural Temperament always has a dark side… that is why we all need the power of the Holy Spirit so desperately.

For the strong, confident, 'get-the-job-done' type of person, you may be a great administrator who gets great things accomplished, but be careful, you just might step on some toes and could possibly be a bit insensitive.

For the kind, peaceful, compassionate type of person, you may be sympathetic & great with people, but you may be so concerned about what people think that when it’s time to make a hard decision or speak up, you won’t for fear of disapproval. In both cases (and everything in between), we all need the Holy Spirit to bring balance.

What a revelation!!! Like a flashlight, the Holy Spirit revealed the darkness in my heart... WOW!

Unpin!

I had to face the reality of my predicament... to admit that I had a desperate need to please... & for so long, I would strive to be right in the sight of those around me.

I didn't have any confidence in the God in me... only the God in someone else. I realized that hadn't given myself an opportunity to develop that part of my relationship with God. I just kind of fit the mold and never developed that part of my own faith... confidence in Christ in me.

This revelation made me feel shame and freedom, all at the same time. Shame, because of the realization that I had lived this way for so long. I took some time to confess to the gracious God of Heaven & earth... I came to Him with the truth I had just discovered about myself... & there I found His loving arms & His embrace... & there came the freedom. I could finally see clearly... seemingly, for the first time in a long time.

In response to my prayer, the Lord lead me to read from the book of Isaiah, chapter 7, verse 9 (NLT), where His Word states, "... unless your faith is firm, I cannot make you stand firm."

I recognized that confidence comes with familiarity. The more time I spend in His Word, the more confident I become in who He is &  who I am supposed to be... & then I no longer have to depend in what people have to say.

2 Corinthians 2:14
Thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place.

My Mommy

So, my mom has been out of the hospital for over a month now. Her surgeon referred her to a neurologist closer to home & she had her first consultation some days ago.

Mom reports that the doctor was totally amazed at her condition. First of all, she shouldn't be alive!

Ok, she's alive! She should have weakness on the entire left side of her body, probably some slurring of speech, difficulty walking, talking & thinking... Definitely some Physical Therapy, maybe some time at a Rehabilitation Facility...........

NONE OF THAT! She suffers from headaches occasionally, has some short-term memory loss (she always did forget quite a bit, I'm not ready to chock that up to brain surgery-lol), a little bit of vision issues... But nothing the doctors are too concerned with.

They have her following up on some of those things and home from work for a total of 3 months to be sure that there are no serious effects...

What patient, do you know, in Neuro ICU has a biggest complaint about how bad the chicken tastes & desperately wants to take a shower??? My Mommy, that's who!

My mom is doing great! I have so much to be thankful for. So many lose their moms from things much simpler than this, but God spared her life & I'm tickled pink.

So here she is a week or 2 after being home. Since they had to put in a shunt to help relieve the pressure in her brain, they had to shave a part of her hair... Right in the front. She decided to even it all out and boy, does she look fabulous!

This was taken about 3 weeks ago. ;)

I'm 35

Another birthday has come and 'almost' gone... So, this is what it looks and feels like to be 35?

I thought of my friends' tradition all day long... Life is too short and each day is a blessing, each laugh is a gem in the treasurebox of memories, each year is a milestone of God's faithfulness & a sign that our work on this earth is not quite done.

Too many near-misses, too many near-deaths, too many last breaths have crossed my path in these 2 short months of 2013.

Every birthday should be celebrated in the form of a National Holiday... No work/school, favorite foods, favorite people, extra treats...

Though this day we had a whole lot of work & school... All of the above was top notch!

Today is the last birthday I work!
:D

The pic is the name tag I picked up every morning at 11am & dropped off every evening at 7pm at Westchester Medical Center for 11 days while my mom laid in Neuro ICU... She was there for much longer, but...... God brought her through! One of those 'near-misses' hit pretty close to home.